Nadica

Don't tell anyone Nobody can know Nobody can find out. Hide what you feel Don't let anyone see What you really mean to me. They wouldn't understand They would try and break us apart They would take you away. Don't let anyone suspect What's really going on That maybe there's something more...

I fake a smile And a laugh Here and there To make sure people Don't suspect That inside I'm Hurting, dying, lost. Lost without you, The one friend I Never thought would leave me behind The one friend I Thought would always be around. I never thought I'd have to suck it up And say goodbye. Not just a "see you later" Or "until next time" But goodbye. No more late nights Staying up and laughing, crying. I can't protect you anymore, No matter how hard I tried, There was nothing I could do. And yet, when everything is said and done I don't blame you for going, I don't hate you for leaving me behind. I just wish that I had the courage To fol

With a jolt to the heart like a lightning strike I’m brought back, surrounded by red and blue flashing lights. Vaguely, as if in the distance, I hear one of the paramedics asking if I know where I am, if I knew what happened as he covers me with a blanket. I pretend not to hear him, sputtering up lake water, shaking and shivering in my wet clothes, not realizing at the time that the paramedic is my own father, his face ragged with worry. He says my name and asks again, clearly thinking that it was an accident, that I slipped into the lake somehow, maybe hit my head. He doesn’t think for a moment that maybe, just maybe, I did it on

I really don’t know what I expected to find at the bottom of the lake. Peace? Acceptance? An escape from the pain? The ability to feel something again? I just don’t know… But here I am, at the bottom of what was thought to be a bottomless lake. I kept swimming, and swimming, losing air the deeper it went, getting colder and colder, until eventually I could no longer tell which way was up and which way was down. On the way down, I wondered if anyone would even notice that I was gone. Why would they? I wasn’t that important to anyone, was I? At the time, it sure didn’t seem like it… As the water gets darker

My eyes change color They reflect the things I feel.. Gold for the lust you fill me with Red for the blood I know is rushing in your veins, just as it rushes through mine Soft brown for the love I feel for you whenever I look at you Green for the alarm I feel whenever you do or say something that surprises me Blue for the calm I feel when I’m wrapped in your arms, safe and warm Black for the anger I feel when I know that someone has hurt you, even if that someone is me And purple is the color I let you see when I don’t know what to say or how to feel...

Am I a monster for wanting something I really shouldn't have? Should I be worried about these things These feelings I have for you?

Is it bad that the only thing Keeping me here is that I know You'd want me to keep going? To not give up, not forget about you? To remember you? To keep your memory alive?

Sometimes I wish I could be a robot. Able to go through my day without feeling anything. No pain, No anger, No regrets, No love... How easy things would be If you weren't always on my mind. How much I miss you, How much I wish I could've seen you, Talked to you, One more time. Not to convince you to stay Not because I wanted to tell you not to go But rather, To tell you that I understand, To tell you that I was going to miss you That I wasn't upset, or mad And that I wasn't going to hate you. To make sure you'd know That I'd wait for you, If you ever decided that you wanted to come back...